I was teaching a leadership class about professionalism and accountability recently when one of the participants said something that made me cringe: “I was prepping for one of these difficult conversations and my coach gave me some advice.”
Unfortunately, coaches hear this a lot.
One of the most common misconceptions and incorrect perceptions of coaching is that the coach gives advice. And I get why it happens: advice-giving is a human impulse. Most of us humans, especially coaches, want to help!
But coaching is not about giving advice or providing direction to clients. Coaching is a partnership within a structured process where the coach guides the client to find the answers and solutions they already have. The structured process used by the coach helps the client bring that inherent knowledge into awareness. Once the client reaches awareness, the coach supports the client in making their own meaning and arriving at their own decisions and next steps.
Some clients might be confused regarding why a coach cannot and should not give advice. Here’s my answer:
- First: Coaching is about client-led self-discovery, growth and development. Advice and direction-giving violate the core premise of coaching. The client must always retain agency of their direction and decisions and must be at choice about their next steps and action plans. If neither of these conditions are present, this isn’t coaching. It’s consulting.
- Second: When the coach directs or advises, the meaning, the decisions and the path forward are not designed by the client. The work is no longer client led; it is coach led. Let’s say the client accepts the coach’s meaning, advice or direction. What happens next?
The client now bears the burden of living with and accepting the results and consequences of the coach’s advice and decisions. Playing out the situation with my class participant: if the coach gave the client advice, and the conversation did not go according to that advice, now the participant bears the responsibility for damage control and repair. This is not the intention of coaching.
Instead of advice-giving and direction-setting, the coach guides the client in setting their own path and developing their own action plan through established coaching techniques and competencies. These competencies draw the client’s awareness to what is both already known to them, and knowledge that may be new to them.
If your coach is giving you advice, lean into your power in the coach-client relationship and ask them to support you in finding your own solutions and answers. Even better, have this discussion with your coach in the contracting phase, before you start working together. In this way, you’ll both be on the same page during the coaching engagement, and you’ll be set up for success in achieving your own growth and development.
Nancy Jacoby, RN, MBA, MHSA, FACHE, PCC, is a professional executive coach based in New York City.
