Sandy Harvey loves to use statistics to make her point.
Harvey has more than 25 years of experience in human resources, organizational development, and diversity, equity, and inclusion. Her firm, Exodus Consulting Group, is an award-winning leadership advisory and strategic consulting organization specializing in crafting culture-centered DEI initiatives.
One thing Harvey has learned in more than two decades of crafting culture-centered initiatives, is that it isn’t just about actions.
Words play a huge role in building a culture of civility in the workplace.
It’s a theory upon which she expounded during a recent workshop hosted by the National Association for Business Resources in partnership with the Best and Brightest programs, Corp! Magazine and MichBusiness.
“It’s really about civility, but it’s also around the words and the language that we use,” Harvey said. “And also, as we think about communication, it’s communication verbally, but it’s also body language and tone that we have.”
“We have so many different ways to communicate with our team members, and sometimes … we just communicate very direct and very to the point,” she added. There’s not anything wrong with it, but it’s also understanding the other person’s preferred style of communication.”
Harvey, a “big proponent” of using data to make her points, pulled up some statistics from the Society of Human Resource Management 2024 Civility Index, which surveyed SHRM members. According to the index:
• Some 74% of respondents said they expected uncivil behaviors they encounter at work to remain the same or worsen in 2025. “Here we are in October 2025 (when the survey was done), and I can tell you from some of the interactions and conversations that I’ve had with clients is that it is getting worse in the workplace,” Harvey said. “What we’re finding, as well, is that from a cultural standpoint, everything that surrounds us externally is now coming into the workplace.”
• Some 31% of U.S. workers felt that their workplaces were ineffective at promoting civility. “Many of us … may experience incivility in the workplace, but then also believe no one is doing anything about it,” Harvey said. “Or in some cases, people don’t know what to do. So in thinking about incivility in the workplace, it doesn’t go away because we do nothing. You actually see an escalation or see it happening more.”
• U.S. organizations lose over $2 billion daily through reduced productivity and absenteeism caused by instability. “So typically, when we’re in a place where we don’t feel engaged or we feel slighted in some way or something happens where there may be an incivil action, it can impact how we do our work,” Harvey said.
“So, we become disengaged, and you don’t want a disengaged person in your workplace, We probably have a whole lot of them, but it’s us showing up, but really not putting our best effort out.”
• Some 26% of U.S. workers said they were likely to leave their jobs in 2025 due to experiencing or witnessing incivility. “We’ve seen this fluctuation of jobs for many different reasons, some for layoffs, but others are just leaving because they can’t do anything about it or nothing is happening,” she pointed out.
A misconception Harvey’s been harping on for 20 years or more is that when employees choose to leave their jobs, they aren’t leaving the company, they’re leaving the firm’s leaders, and it often is because of the consistent incivility that may permeate the culture. Often, Harvey pointed out, employees leave because nothing is being done about it.
“What they’re finding is when nothing is done, a person may feel like, ‘well, there’s no point in being here,’ or they will try to, if available, leave and go to another team,” Harvey said.
And, right on cue, Harvey conducted a poll among workshop attendees. Turns out 87 percent of them had either witnessed an act of incivility or had experienced one themselves.
Harvey defined workplace civility as the “consistent demonstration of respect, courtesy, and professionalism in all of the interactions that you have.” While employees (and employers) are entitled to the occasional “bad day,” Harvey points out the idea is to be “very consistent” in demonstrating civil behavior, creating a psychologically safe work environment where diverse perspectives are valued and all employees can contribute fully to achieve goals.
Civility, she said, doesn’t mean that “I agree with everything that you do or you say.” What it does mean, she pointed out, is that workers can disagree but should try to do it without being disagreeable.
“The presence of civility doesn’t mean that there’s an absence of disagreement or honest feedback,” Harvey said. “Those who think that civility means that you cannot provide critical feedback, that’s not what civility is. Civility means that we do that in a respectful way, right?”
Based on past experiences, there are a lot of things that really can impact how workers think, feel and operate within the workplace. There are many examples of uncivil language that complicate the work environment.
For instance:
• “That’s not how we do things here” or “Get to the point.”
• “We’ve tried that before and it didn’t work”
• “Why did you do that? Or “Why didn’t you do something else?”
“When we think about the language that we use, you know, we can be curious, but not lend itself to an interrogation,” Harvey said. “Those are things that, as we’re thinking about what this looks like in the workplace, be mindful of what language is and how language can come across.”
According to Harvey, the discussion is important as employers try to increase employee engagement and collaboration while reducing turnover and absenteeism.
The lack of civility, she said, is also causing another unintended consequence: An increased use of company benefits. People are getting headaches or they’re getting stomach aches having to go to the doctor, causing an increased cost if a company doesn’t pay attention to its workplace culture.
The uncivil language being used in the workplace can vary. Some of it is “us versus them,” others include submissive language or people talking over others.
What Harvey found in another poll was the ‘us versus them” language is most invasive.
“It’s important to know that ‘us versus them’ can be very divisive, especially because when you think about new hires and those who are in the workplace, I’ve experienced that in my previous life, especially as an HR professional,” Harvey said. “‘You’re not revenue generating,’ and so everyone just thinks that, oh, well, you don’t make money or you don’t see clients or you don’t do this, so you’re just HR.
“When we think about the work, it’s important for us to know that when we experience that us versus them, the divisive language, that we find ways to kind of counter that.”
There are, of course, barriers to addressing uncivil language in the workplace, many of them about attitude. In her workshop, Harvey conducted a poll trying to figure out what those might be.
Among them: Fear of reprisal; uncertainty over how to address it; and a belief (fear?) that nothing will be done.
Not surprisingly, belief nothing will be done topped the list, followed by fear of retaliation and lack of support.
“Those actually are the top three that I see in workshops,” Harvey said. “What I hear from others is the fear of retaliation. ‘If I say something, this is going to cost me my job or I don’t think it’ll make a difference because no one’s done anything about it thus far.”
It’s incumbent upon leaders to make sure those fears aren’t realized, Harvey said.
“Senior leaders (should) make sure you’re mindful that your actions are just as important as your team members,” she said. “It’s everybody’s responsibility.”
